What to do?

A day or two after I got back to Texas, I got a call from a family that lives in our subdivision. They were friends of our neighbors and had heard about Sally. Anyway, the call was about me considering selling our house. This was the last thing on my mind, and my first thought was that I was not up to the trauma that would incur. But, thinking about it, I began to see some upside to this. After Sally's death, I thought I would eventually sell this large house and move into someplace smaller, but I had no plans to pursue this at this time. Our house is very large and would be perfect for a large family with room for guests. With me, I am a little like a molecule in a large space bouncing around with Brownian movement. There are parts of the house I essentially never visit except to make sure that fox or bear or something hasn't moved in. So to have someone interested to buy it without having to market it or to get a realtor involved seemed like something I should take seriously. So I am thinking about it. I don't know, but with the swan appearing and now this spontaneous offer for the house--I''m almost wondering if this is meant to be. Keep tuned.

It's been busy

Lots of things going on here. The yard has been overgrown over the summer with lots of rain so everything was looking a little like some jungle in southeast Asia. So with Lorrie's guidance, I had Ken, our friend and major gardner here, do a major cutting back of the plants so that now after a couple days of intensive work, the yard is starting to have a much more tidy look. Sally always had many pots full of various plants. We are trying to simplify things and so many of the pots have now gone to new homes -- friends who wanted a little of Sally in their yard. I think she would approve. There are also some things about the house that need fixing and I am working on those. So I hope that in another week or so everything will be ship-shape.

Our swan has been here most days at least for part of the day. He (she?) must be flying around and exploring the area, but he has come back so that I see him early in the morning but not later in the day. Who knew that there were swans flying around looking for a home?? I hope he decides that this is a pretty good place to put down roots. It would be great if there was a mate so that we could have some "ugly ducklings" and then some more swans. It is interesting to see the swan interact with the ducks. He is always graceful but there is no doubt who is in charge. He will threaten the ducks a little and they will back off if they are both in the same area.

In addition to all the house stuff, I am keeping busy with some consulting--spent a few days in Boston and almost got stuck in a Nor'easter last week, but made it home ok. This week I went up to Lexicon, my favorite little pharmaceutical company here in the Houston area. I plan to spend more time with them helping them to be successful--hope it will help.

Have also been spending good time with Lorrie, John, Stephen and Andrew. The boys are in a great HS band program. We went to a regional

competition last week and they got first place against schools of all sizes. In a month they will go to a National competition in Indianapolis. It is exciting for them and for us as well. Here is a picture of all ten finalists at the regional competition. There are about 2000 kids on the field. It was exciting as they announced the winners of the competition.

I'm back in Richmond

Well, I am now back in Richmond and trying to get settled here. I spent a few days in Tucson with my good friends, Ray and Julie Woosley. Tucson is really an interesting and beautiful part of the country with the saguaro and other desert plants and animals. I am flying back this time so that I don't have to worry about driving alone on that long drive. I got back on Tuesday evening and tried to get oriented as to where I was and what time it was.

Coming back to this house has been sorta difficult. All of the things that Sally had done to the house and yard make me sad. Lorrie came over today and we are going to try and simplify things such as pots and plants etc. to try and make some changes. I'm sure that will help.

About a week ago a swan flew into our lake and has been here ever since. I didn't know that swans flew around looking for homes, but this one did and I hope he stays. He is so beautiful and calm, just swimming around. Yesterday morning, first thing I went outside and the swan raised up and flapped its wings in my direction as a greeting. I think Sally sent the swan as a welcome home.

Tomorrow would have been Sally's birthday. Lorrie and her friends are making plans to do some fun stuff with me to keep my mind off this significant day. One day at a time, they say and I think I have to go through all these anniversaries to get through this process.

55th OHS Reunion

Last weekend I went into Orange for my 55th reunion at Orange High School. A small group of us met the evening before for a get together and dinner at the home of Forrest & Diane Shattuck. I stayed at Nancy and Terry Teigen's home in Orange as did Don and Gale Sturdevant. Sondra and Bob Teeter rounded out our little group. We all sat around reminiscing. The reunion, was held at Chapman University. Chapman bought the old high school buildings after our second year of high school, so the reunion was like going back to our original high school. We had a great time in our little group and at the reunion--although it seemed like there were a lot of old people there. 51 of our class have died--probably about 30%. A couple of our faculty made it to the reunion, but they are becoming rather scarce. Just a few days before the reunion John Bayard, one of our teachers, passed away. A website in his honor contained this poem he had written, which I liked:

To Those I Love

When I am gone, just release me, let me go —

so I can move into my afterglow.

You mustn't tie me down with your tears;

let's be happy that we had so many years.

I gave you my love, you can only guess

how much you gave me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown,

but now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve for me awhile, if grieve you must,

then let your grief be comforted with trust.

It's only for a while that we must part,

so bless the memories within your heart.

And then, when you must come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and a "Welcome Home."

John Bayard---June 12, 1923 – September 18, 2010

We walked and drove around Orange which is now a historic district with all the old houses and storefronts being preserved. It is becoming a town of upscale restaurants and antique stores. I went by the house I was born in. It has been moved from the original lot (which was 5 acres of oranges at one time) but is still intact.

So it was a good weekend with friends and acquaintances some of whom I hadn't seen in 55 years. Also, Stanford trounced Notre Dame. After I got back to Carlsbad, Forrest sent this link which I think sums up the feelings at a reunion like this.

This Saturday I will be heading back to Texas with a stop in Tucson along the way to see the Woosleys. Unless something happens between now and then, I will not be posting until I am back there.

Lorrie is here!

Lorrie has been here for the past several days and it has been great. For Lorrie, coming into the condo here for the first real visit since Sally's death, the emotions have been intense. I know exactly how she feels since I feel it every day, but with time the intensity wanes. Lorrie was particularly pleased at how the plants in the patio and on the balcony are doing. Sally always had a lot of plants that died back in the winter and then she replaced with new ones each summer. After the California memorial, Lorrie and Kathie came over and all the old plants were cut back and some were replanted. I have been watering everything and it is quite amazing how everything has come back almost better than ever.

Saturday we went out to the Temecula wine country to meet Boyd and Helen for lunch at Cafe Champagne at the Thornton winery. Linda (Boyd and Helen's daughter and Lorrie's cousin) also met us and it was a great get together. The weather and the lunch were great.

Yesterday was Lorrie's birthday and we went down to San Diego. First we went to a cafe near

Balboa Park and had brunch. Lorrie had a Captain Crunch / Blackberry pancake. The single pancake was the size of her dinner plate. We then went to the Zoo, which is one of the best in the world. We took the bus tour first and then wandered. We particularly enjoyed seeing the pandas. There were not too many people there on Monday so we had no wait to see the pandas and could stay as long as we wished.

Lorrie leaves this afternoon. We hope to get to the SD Museum of Art (also in Balboa Park) to see the Toulouse Lautrec exhibit that is ongoing.

It has been a great visit with Lorrie. And, although we shared some tears, we think we are doing pretty well in this difficult process.

Dungeness Crabs

I meant to say on the last post that Jimmy packed up 8 or 9 Dungeness crabs for me to take home on the plane. He catches them and quickly cleans and cooks and then freezes them. So I had a box of crabs to carry on the plane back to Carlsbad. I labeled them "Dungeness Crabs" so that the security folks at the airport would know what they were looking for. I also told the TSA guy what they were and there was no problem. But because the box was labeled, everyone who saw it had to make a comment. And when I got on the plane, the stewardess took one look and said that she was going to melt some butter and open a bottle of wine.

Anyway, I got them home and the next night we had a crab feast at Craig's. I have saved about four crabs to have another feast when Lorrie gets here next week. They were great and I am looking forward to next week's dinner.

I will be returning to Texas the first week of October. I plan to fly this time. Sally and I always drove out to have a car when we were here. This time I am leaving a car here. I will first fly to Tucson to see my friends, the Woosleys and then will go on to IAH. I missed the downpours in Texas of last week and I hope there are no hurricanes in the future to greet me when I arrive.

Seattle & Port Ludlow

I spent the last week in Seattle and Port Ludlow seeing old friends. Started in Seattle where Len and Alansa Bates live. Len was a college room mate and has known Sally about as long as I have. We have remained in touch for the past 50+ years and it was a great visit. Seattle was showing off (at least for a while) and Rainier was out in all its glory. Then we all went over to Port Ludlow to see Jimmy and Teresa Goode, Sally's brother and her sister-in-law. This was also great and we feasted on Dungeness crab caught by Jimmy accompanied by some of the best wines I have ever had. We had a couple of toasts to Sally, who would have loved it. We used to live in Seattle 45 years ago when Sally taught elementary school and I was a house officer at Harborview and the UW. So it was all pretty nostalgic, but we all got through it and it helped to be there with others who were so close to Sally.

Getting settled back here in Carlsbad. September should be pretty busy with visits by other friends and Lorrie is coming for a week. Hooray.

A friend sent me this poem:

Loving Memory

I carry you with me into the world

into the smell of rain

& the words that dance between people

& for me, it will always be this way,

walking in the light,

remembering being alive,

together