First Thanksgiving without Sally

This has been the first Thanksgiving that we have had without Sally. Last year at this time Sally had not been doing well and went into the hospital. She started chemotherapy on Thanksgiving day. She received steroids and other anti nausea medications and in the afternoon we brought her a turkey dinner. She ate the dinner and it was the first time she had eaten well in quite a few days. The chemotherapy seemed to do her a lot of good and her blood count improved as well as her general well-being. So this year we remembered what it was like last year and after that Thanksgiving we had about six good months with Sally.

This year I came to California for Thanksgiving. It was the first time I had been in California with Craig and Kathie and the boys since Christopher was a baby. We had seen them either in Texas or in New Jersey at Thanksgiving occasionally. This turned out to be a great Thanksgiving. Craig smoked turkey in his smoker and it turned out to be juicy, flavorful and quite wonderful. Kathie made mashed potatoes, turkey stuffing, broccoli, pumpkin pie and apple pie. It was a wonderful feast. We shared several wines with Joe and Sharon, Craig and Kathie's neighbors. Here is a picture of dinner. The only person you might not recognize is Kathie's mom on the left.

Tomorrow I am told I am in for a treat if I come for brunch--Stuffing omelets, yum. I'll be there.

Thanksgiving in Carlsbad

A couple of weeks ago Kathie called me and asked whether I could come to California for Thanksgiving. She reminded me that I had not spent Thanksgiving with them in California for a very long time. Sally and I had always spent Thanksgiving in Texas since we moved here in 2002. We would have Thanksgiving at Lorrie's usually. Once or twice Craig and Kathie came to Texas for Thanksgiving but it'd been quite a long time ago. So, I decided to see if I could get airplane reservations for the holiday. And I was successful. I am leaving on Sunday and returning on Saturday after Thanksgiving. I am really looking forward to it. Craig is thinking about smoking a turkey in their smoker. It will also be good to see the condo and make sure everything is okay there. I left the Honda Civic in California so I will have a car while I am there without having to rent one. I hope to be able to take some pictures of their family.

Craig, Kathie, Christopher, and Gavin are planning to come to Texas for Christmas. So it won't be long between these two holidays. The boys are always excited to see their cousins. At Christmas I'm hoping that everyone will have a chance to look over all the stuff that is in this house and decide what they might want some time if I were to move. Right now, it doesn't appear that I am going to be moving soon but I might find some place that would be suitable. That would mean that I would need to get rid of a lot of stuff.

Lorrie has helped me clean out some of the things that have never been used but were stuck in drawers here. I still have a long ways to go to get this place organized so that I know where everything is. I'm sure that Sally knew where everything was but I don't. Gradually though I'm getting things cleaned out and organized so that I can find them.

I'm not at all sure that I'm going to be sending out Christmas cards this year. I think most people have been following the blog if they wish to know what's happening. If I have the energy or the willingness to put together something with perhaps a picture I will send it out to some people. There might be some people who don't even know about Sally.

Day of memories

The past few days have been warm and muggy with rain showers off and on. Today started that way but then the sun came out, the temperature came down and the humidity disappeared. I have been feeling pretty good recently so thought I might be up to cleaning out Sally's office. So most of the day I was going through the desk and some cupboards seeing what was there. There was a lot of junk that was easy to toss, but there were also some gems that took a while to process. I was proud of myself that I was able to do this without losing it completely--which would have happened as recently as a couple of weeks ago. I think that having decided to stay in this house for now has given me the push to get things cleaned up and organized.

Apparently Sally's mom had saved a lot of our old Christmas letters--back to the early 70's. Reading through these was like reliving a lot of our life together--it was great. Sally wrote these letters and I would edit and type them. Her humor, love for family, and good will towards all come through so clearly. I'm keeping them still in her desk. I don't want to see them often, but it is nice to know they are there.

There were also a lot of old pictures that I need to spend some time going through and perhaps scanning. Most of the pictures were taken in the past 20 years, I think--but before digital cameras (can you remember what film was?) A few other special cards and notes were also there that were so typical of Sally. A scan of one of these is to the right. And on her desk were some of her very favorite things--a silk rose, some minerals (she loved collecting different minerals) and a couple of geodes that were split in half and polished. I'm just leaving them there for now.

I also found a plaque that was given to Sally by the Superintendent of Schools in Aurora Colorado, where Sally had volunteered for a few years--I don't think I had ever seen it. She also had a note of thanks from the teacher and a darling card from her school kids--some of my favorite student notes to Sally were: "Dear Mrs. Knies, Thank you for having the descustions with us!", "Thank you for giving some time to help us lurn", "Mrs. Nies, I really liked it when you taught us about self-asteam. Thanks", "Mrs. Nies, It really was fun in the groups. You have put in a lot of hard work in these groups--Love, Antwenette", Mrs. Neis, We all love you. You were a great help. I think that you should come back next year. (We will need you despratly)".

I finally got the courage to put all the funeral stuff away--Maybe some day I will want to look at it, but not now. They put together a nice printed book of all the pictures we had on the CD at the services, and that is nice. And then there were Sally's ashes--shudder. I have spread ashes at several of her favorite sites (China Cove, the La Costa Condo, our yard here, in Annie's back yard, our beach in Leucadia) and Lorrie spread some up in the Hill Country where Sally, Lorrie and friends would go each year for antique hunting. Kathie took some with her to New Jersey and spread some in "Sally's yard" at our old house in New Jersey. The current owners are the same ones to whom we sold it, so that is nice. And Kathie had the time to look up Sally's gardening soul-mate, Camille, in New Jersey and spread a few ashes there also. So there is a little of Sally coast to coast--and this country is better for it!!

When I finished, I went outside to enjoy our beautiful weather and to my pleasure the swan was swimming in the lake just outside our fence. The swan had not been around for the past week--but there she was.....

And I found this in Sally's desk:

"She who plants flowers

loves others beside herself"

What to do--part 2

Well, in the last post you saw my thoughts as of a couple of weeks ago. So I was thinking it might be fun to live in the city--I have friends who live in Denver, Manhattan and San Francisco, so why not live in Houston? In order to help with this thought, Lorrie and I spent an afternoon with an excellent, experienced and tolerant realtor looking mostly at high-rise condos. And I must say that I hated it. The problem is, I think, that Houston is not a walking or public transportation city. So if you lived downtown, you would still have to drive wherever you might want to go--and that is not what I had in mind. So for now I have decided to kind of look around but not with any hurry to it. If I can find something that I like somewhere around here, I may decide to sell the house, but I don't see that happening any time soon and probably not in time for the family that is interested in buying. When I got home from the "condo hunting" trip, I went around the house and decided I was really pretty ok with everything. So, in a way, I feel more calm than I was. I was developing a feeling of anxiety looking at the condos which I didn't like--and they are outrageously expensive in Houston--many cost much more that this house, and that didn't make any sense to me.

I've done a couple of fun things. Last weekend I joined a neighbor and some of their friends at the Renaissance Festival. I had never been to one and it was quite an amazing spectacle. There is a permanent setup out in the middle of nowhere about 70 miles from here. The people are all dressed up in strange and wonderful costumes. We all ate stuff like turkey legs and apple dumplings while we wandered around.

Today I went out to Brazos Bend State Park, which I have mentioned

before. It was Sally and my favorite local area to visit. There were many demonstrations being shown by the Texas Master Naturalist programs. I learned again about snakes,

bugs, bees, and other critters. I then took the walk that we used to take. As

I thought, it brought back a lot of memories and some sadness, but the good memories prevailed. The weather was perfect, about 70 and crystal clear. Saw at least 10 alligators. Most were on the banks as usual, but there were a couple swimming around. I didn't see any of them getting a duck or anything but it looks like there is a lot of food around for them if they want it. Only had my phone so the picture is not as good as I would like.

What to do?

A day or two after I got back to Texas, I got a call from a family that lives in our subdivision. They were friends of our neighbors and had heard about Sally. Anyway, the call was about me considering selling our house. This was the last thing on my mind, and my first thought was that I was not up to the trauma that would incur. But, thinking about it, I began to see some upside to this. After Sally's death, I thought I would eventually sell this large house and move into someplace smaller, but I had no plans to pursue this at this time. Our house is very large and would be perfect for a large family with room for guests. With me, I am a little like a molecule in a large space bouncing around with Brownian movement. There are parts of the house I essentially never visit except to make sure that fox or bear or something hasn't moved in. So to have someone interested to buy it without having to market it or to get a realtor involved seemed like something I should take seriously. So I am thinking about it. I don't know, but with the swan appearing and now this spontaneous offer for the house--I''m almost wondering if this is meant to be. Keep tuned.

It's been busy

Lots of things going on here. The yard has been overgrown over the summer with lots of rain so everything was looking a little like some jungle in southeast Asia. So with Lorrie's guidance, I had Ken, our friend and major gardner here, do a major cutting back of the plants so that now after a couple days of intensive work, the yard is starting to have a much more tidy look. Sally always had many pots full of various plants. We are trying to simplify things and so many of the pots have now gone to new homes -- friends who wanted a little of Sally in their yard. I think she would approve. There are also some things about the house that need fixing and I am working on those. So I hope that in another week or so everything will be ship-shape.

Our swan has been here most days at least for part of the day. He (she?) must be flying around and exploring the area, but he has come back so that I see him early in the morning but not later in the day. Who knew that there were swans flying around looking for a home?? I hope he decides that this is a pretty good place to put down roots. It would be great if there was a mate so that we could have some "ugly ducklings" and then some more swans. It is interesting to see the swan interact with the ducks. He is always graceful but there is no doubt who is in charge. He will threaten the ducks a little and they will back off if they are both in the same area.

In addition to all the house stuff, I am keeping busy with some consulting--spent a few days in Boston and almost got stuck in a Nor'easter last week, but made it home ok. This week I went up to Lexicon, my favorite little pharmaceutical company here in the Houston area. I plan to spend more time with them helping them to be successful--hope it will help.

Have also been spending good time with Lorrie, John, Stephen and Andrew. The boys are in a great HS band program. We went to a regional

competition last week and they got first place against schools of all sizes. In a month they will go to a National competition in Indianapolis. It is exciting for them and for us as well. Here is a picture of all ten finalists at the regional competition. There are about 2000 kids on the field. It was exciting as they announced the winners of the competition.

I'm back in Richmond

Well, I am now back in Richmond and trying to get settled here. I spent a few days in Tucson with my good friends, Ray and Julie Woosley. Tucson is really an interesting and beautiful part of the country with the saguaro and other desert plants and animals. I am flying back this time so that I don't have to worry about driving alone on that long drive. I got back on Tuesday evening and tried to get oriented as to where I was and what time it was.

Coming back to this house has been sorta difficult. All of the things that Sally had done to the house and yard make me sad. Lorrie came over today and we are going to try and simplify things such as pots and plants etc. to try and make some changes. I'm sure that will help.

About a week ago a swan flew into our lake and has been here ever since. I didn't know that swans flew around looking for homes, but this one did and I hope he stays. He is so beautiful and calm, just swimming around. Yesterday morning, first thing I went outside and the swan raised up and flapped its wings in my direction as a greeting. I think Sally sent the swan as a welcome home.

Tomorrow would have been Sally's birthday. Lorrie and her friends are making plans to do some fun stuff with me to keep my mind off this significant day. One day at a time, they say and I think I have to go through all these anniversaries to get through this process.